More Dialogue

Hi everyone! Not exactly sure what I’m getting at, or where I’m going with this, but I’m working on giving characters distinct voices. By that, I mean playing around with syntax. I guess what I want to know is: Does this sound like a real conversation? Don’t worry about the plot. I know it leaves many questions to be asked.

 

“Look, man, I just met you. Why would you think I’d trust you with that thing?” asks Joe, who’s looking down at the helmet, rather than the man’s face.

“I just told you what my credentials are, sir. I’m a scientist over at the university. Why wouldn’t you trust me?”

The helmet looks like a giant brain, but instead of tissue, they’re all wires. Inside the helmet, electrodes are in contact with your head, which from what Joe understands, will keep track of his brain waves as he is commanded to do certain tasks.

“That thing looks like a deathtrap, man! How much, um, electricity did you say goes through that?

“Around fifty volts.”

“Oh, okay… That’s not that bad. I thought you was going to say, like, a hundred, or two, or something!”

“…”

“Don’t just stand there! Let’s go. It’s at the lab, no?”

“Do you know how electricity works, Joe?”

“Yeah man (he doesn’t). You plug stuff in, and electricity makes it work. That’s how my iPhone charges, no?”

“That’s correct, but—”

“Then we’re good, no? Like, I won’t die, right?”

“No, probably not.”

“Don’t worry about it then. Let’s go.”

“…”

“Today, Doc. You’re a doctor, no? Or a scientist? I don’t remember. Is there a difference?”

“I have a doctorate.”

“Good for you, doc! I’m two for two. Let’s go, while we’re on a high note.”

The scientist, bewildered at how stupid people can be, looks at Joe, dumbfounded as to how he manages to wake up in the morning without managing to kill himself. He questions whether or not this is the right candidate, and comes to the realization that he’s perfect.

“Doc!”

“Sorry, let’s go. My car’s over there.”

“Don’t worry about it, doc. I’ll drive.”

 

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3 thoughts on “More Dialogue”

    1. Thanks for reading it. I’m glad you liked it. I just read yours and you really have a poetic way of writing. It’s very good. I really felt like I was listening in on the conversation and I felt like I was in the woods with them. Really good stuff.

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